Today marks 10 years of Talk Like a Pirate Day and 10 years of Dreamforce. Coincidence? We think not. So what better thing to do than bring them together to create Dreamforce in Piratespeak? Here’s what we think some Salesforce offerings new and old might mean to the crusaders on the high seas.
Arr, t’all ye landlubbers sailin’ sunny seas on the good ship Moscone this week, we who know no loyalty to land or country bring a true pirate perspective to Dreamforce.
See which ships sailin’ the high seas around ye are worth attacking. Which vessel carries the most gold and which has the weakest crew? Learn when and how to make yer move against t’richest rats and which are yet jus’ filthy bilge rats t’ignore.
Send yer crew to swab t’decks and patch t’hull armed wi’ background information on the nasty bilge-swallowers who’ve bludgeoned the ship. Figure out which holes are most pressin’ t’fix and which can be patched with a dead rat for the time bein’.
Avast! Have ye ever wondered which flag of yer ship inspires the most terror in others? This system has meters o’ fear and apprehension that update on the hour or even oftener. They’re like steerin’ wheels or sextants for yer pillagin’ targets! Ye can find t’best ships to plunder and see jus’ who be sailing them, and plan well an attack on the dirty varmints. Ye’ll know when yer targets be swabbin’ the decks or mendin’ the masts and so givin’ you an open portal for launching mischief on the ocean.
If yer crew be bent on mutiny, don’t ever be the last t’know. Listen to the rumblin’ below deck and in the crow’s nest from where’er y’are so ye never miss a chance to keep the crew in line with threats of a plank-walk. And if one of the scallywags on yer ship should ever deserve an extra swig o’ grog, ye can let all know about it with this chatter, and even share out the ticket for gettin’ that grog.
If yer spendin’ the day as a landlubber ye can still see all that goes on on yer ship using yer mobile device. The knots of the wind, the angle of the sail, the latitude and longitude of the ship, the dirty scoundrel who’s been drinkin’ all the grog—it’s all there in yer dirty calloused palm for ye t’read anytime ye should want.
This is t’way to ensure that all yer plunder be workin’ together, and let yer crew use diff’rent systems that please them yet still know what t’rest of the crew be doing. All yer motley weapons will yet work together well to bludgeon the enemy and take their wealth.
Coke Berry Bliss
These wily creatures at Coca-Cola be lettin’ ye mix yer own grog wit’ berry and orange and other scurvy-preventin’ flavors. Now a true pirate ne’er sips naught but grog, but the landlubbers among ye may like t’create these concoctions.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter t’Burberry store! All within know ye’ve looked at t’ beauties from the Winter 2013 collection a wee bit too often, and they know just how t’ sell ‘em to ye too. Yer wallet’ll soon be lighter’n t’sky at noon with all t’information Burberry has about ye.
Arrr, so what do the rest of ye pirates have to say for yerselves t’day? How’s the Salesforce about t’change the way ye “sale” your seas?